Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sorry this is such a long story...... How do I end my 10 year relationship and tell him I'm moving out?
I'm going into my 4th semester at an area technical college and work part-time. My bf and I have been together 10 years (living together the whole time). I have 2 kids from a previous marriage (that was a blessing it ended). My bf has always had a problem with drinking, calling me names, and being generally hurtful and mean to me when he's drunk. The drinking happens more and more often and the words get worse. I know he has a drinking problem and so does he but he won't stop. Keeps telling me he can't but I think he doesn't want to (especially when he hides his bottles of booze or cans of beer in his dresser or clothes hamper). He won't let me go to bed when he's drunk and pissy at me or let anyone have any peace in the house. He yells at the top of his lungs and doesn't care what he says or who hears it. I live in an apartment complex that has paper thin walls with 5 other apartments. He hangs out with our drunken neighbors who are both single with no kids. My mom died at her home unexpectedly (she was 58) at the end of July of 2010 and I am still not doing well with that. I ended up with her boxer (my bf didn't like the dog & made my life a living hell until I got rid of her 2 months later). I found her a good home so that is no longer an issue for me. Anyway, my issue now is the other night he came home drunk and accusing me of wanting to take all of his money while -quote--"All you do is sit on your fat *** and do nothing all day. You need to find a different job and work 40 hours a week. Oh but you can't cuz of that f#@ken school ****." Now I find this VERY ironic because in the 10 yrs with him, he hasn't worked more then 3 yrs in TOTAL. He has a job now and is all y about it and thinks that gives him the right to be an *** or something. He also thinks that he can take his check and piss it away instead of helping pay the bills. He gives 1/4-1/2 his check for the bills and drinks away the rest of it and still looks to me for gas and cig money. He gave me an ultimatum to either get rid of my mom's dog or he was leaving. When I told him to pick me or the alcohol, he laughed in my face and said I'm the one who needs to change my ways. I am to the point now that I can't take it anymore. I have told him several times what I want out of live but he just blows me off. He's even getting to the point that he blows up over stupid stuff like the dog wanting to go outside. I would like to make it out of this relationship for a break so he has time to see what he's throwing away. Problem is, I don't have the finances to move and won't have it because I can barely work due to school. I can't just pack everything up in my car and leave because I have ALOT of things. It would be easier if he would move out but either way, I feel that one of us needs to go. How do I end my relationship with him, tell him I'm moving out, and most importantly, how to I keep it from escalating (I prefer not to have the cops involved because I think that will make it worse). If he cleaned up and got sober, I would love to stay with him but after 10 years of being called names and putting up with the drunken arguments, I just can't do it anymore. I'm at my whits end!
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