Now, Okay Guys what I've went through in this year is bad!!!, I've been mortified!!!?

You sound really depressed. You should call a hotline and ask for help. They can direct you to the right place. Maybe a stay in a hospital will help. If you are serious about suicide, go an emergency room and tell them exactly that. They can help you find the right treatment and medicine. God Bless, remember, each day is a new day and in time with the right help you will get better.